


Hold Back the Night

by VengeanceAngel



Series: Whump is for Winners [4]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Billy Hargrove deserves love, M/M, Panic Attacks, Steve Harrington Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-01 21:08:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19185553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VengeanceAngel/pseuds/VengeanceAngel
Summary: Steve has a panic attack and someone is there to help him pick up the pieces.





	Hold Back the Night

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote something awhile ago just to pass the time. It was the very beginning of a panic attack that ended with "I'm gonna die." And that was it. And tonight I started writing again on that. It just kind of flowed and here I am posting yet another fic. I love that this muse is really on my butt to not waste time when it comes to the random thoughts in my head and making them into something creative.

Steve Harrington can’t breathe. He had been getting his things out of his locker and trying to forget how quiet the school is after hours right before a long winter break. He wills himself to remember that janitors are somewhere in the building and a teacher or two has to be lingering. But the hallway is dark and quiet and it sets his nerves on edge. 

He wishes they hadn’t told him that story last week. When he’d dropped the kids off at their houses, he heard them talking about the chase and the deaths at their school. And now he feels as if he’s surrounded all the time. Sometimes, when he’s zoning out in class, he swears he can see the walls ripple. Today it was too much and he yelled a warning and stood only for the class and the teacher to look at him like he’s crazy. Maybe he is. 

School was safe for him. Stay away from the woods, from the pool, from the old lab. He can do that. He’s _been_ doing that, but this is too much. They’re everywhere. No place is safe. He swears that he feels one of them walking up on him, ready to grab him, ready to devour him as that carnivorous face opens up, its petals a cruel contradiction to the Hell it brings. 

He leans forward and rests his forehead on the coolness of the lockers, willing his heart to stop pounding and whispering a soft mantra. “It’s okay. It’s okay. Nothing is going to hurt you.”

But then he remembers Barb disappearing after just sitting on the edge of his pool and how he stood next to Nancy and Jonathan while a monster came at him through the wall. The memories don’t stop and they flood him. But soon he’s feeling Jonathan’s fists and Billy’s fists and he can’t close his eyes against the punches because he’ll never wake up. 

And then he feels it. The worst is when he can actually feel it. The brushing of bodies against his legs as the demodogs rush past him and Dustin. And the mantra changes. It becomes the same mantra in his head when fists were raining down on him, when he walked down into a cellar, when he faced the monsters in the junkyard, in the bus, and in the Byers’ home. And it’s the same mantra he heard in his head when his heart was broken by a girl who he finally allowed himself to love. He thinks the physical hits were kinder than the emotional ones Nancy dealt. And the mantra continues. 

“I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die.”

And then the claws come. The fingers grip him from behind and he tosses his head back, trying to crawl right out of his skin. He spins and sinks, screaming in fear, his arms covering his head to ward off the attack the best he can, his knees coming up to hopefully protect his belly from being ripped open. It’s a dream he has often. He dreams he’s unable to move and unable to do anything except watch as the demodogs lazily feast on his organs as he prays that they’ll choose one soon that will allow him to die and escape. 

He starts to sob loudly in fear and the demodogs pull at his arms and legs and tries to get at him and he can’t breathe. He throws himself all the way down and curls up as tight as he can where the wall meets the floor so only his back is exposed. His wails of terror continue and he curls impossibly tighter. The growling in his ear is so close and he can feel the hot breath ghosting across his cheek.  
Just when he’s certain he’s going to pass out, the growling starts to become words as the hands seem to shrink down to human size. 

“Harrington! Jesus Christ! _Steve_! What the _fuck_?!” 

The adrenaline leaves Steve’s body in a flood and he collapses, his body going loose. He feels himself being propped up and then half dragged. He doesn’t know where he’s going or how he’s getting there, but he can’t focus. His head lolls to the side and he whimpers. The fear is still there, but it’s tempered by resignation. Dying horribly is inevitable in this town for him. He believes that and it fuels his hopelessness. He starts to sob again and then is set down, his back against the wall. He hears the sound of water and feels his shirt being pulled off, followed by his shoes, socks, and jeans. When he’s only in his briefs, he shivers, but doesn’t open his eyes. He doesn’t want to see death coming for him. 

He soon feels a warmth spread over his back as he’s manhandled again, dragged backward, and then he’s being held under a spray of deliciously warm water and his body further relaxes under the heat. _They_ hate the heat and that is the most comforting thought of all. He turns his head so he doesn’t get hit straight in the face with the water and sobs once in relief. He feels a hand sweep his hair back from his face and stroke it. The warmth against his neck and the rumble against his back turns into words again. “It’s okay. Just… Just breathe. Shit, just breathe, okay? I’m here. Nobody’s gonna hurt you on my watch. I swear it. I mean it. What the hell happened to you?”

Steve recognizes the voice and the humiliation causes him to shudder and then sob again. He needs this and he doesn’t have the energy to really care who’s giving it. He turns, his legs covering the leg that has been against his side. He buries his face in someone’s chest and lets all of it out, crying as his tears mix with the warm water. He feels a hand at the back of his head, tangling in his hair to keep him steady as the other hand rubs up and down his back, making sure to keep him warm. This continues for a few minutes and then both arms are around him and he hears more whispering above him, and brushing across the top of his head. “You’re going to be okay. It’s almost over. It’s taking you longer to burn out than some, but it’s coming. Just let it, alright? Just let it finish up so it’ll let you go.”

Steve summons up enough consciousness to know that he’s talking about the panic. Letting it take over and burn itself out of him is a technique that he’s used in the past. Fighting it is a waste of time. Once it decides to take over, it does it. No questions. No mercy. He takes one more deep shuddering breath and then nods. “I’m… okay.”

“That’s not true, but I’ll take it.” 

Steve looks up into the face of Billy Hargrove. “Please don’t tell.”

Billy shakes his head. “I won’t. I promise. Stay under the water and I’ll be right back.”

Billy untangles from him and goes out into the locker area. Steve looks around and realizes that he’s in the boys’ shower room, under a spray of hot water. He frowns at the feel of his underwear sticking to his skin and remembers that Billy had been wearing his gym shorts. He shivers despite the warmth, the embarrassment starting to set in. 

He looks up as Billy comes in with a few towels. Billy shuts off the water and squats down, draping one around Steve’s shoulders and the other across his legs. Then he starts to towel off the brunette’s hair. “Just take it easy. I’m gonna get you dried off and then I’m gonna take you home.”

Steve shakes his head. “No… I’m fine.”

“You’re not running around after something like that, okay?”

Steve decides to keep his mouth shut for now and relaxes as Billy rubs the towel through his hair and wipes his face and neck. Once he’s finished, he hauls Steve up and to a bench where he continues to dry the other boy. He strokes the towel over his back, under his arms and across his chest and waist. He works on each leg and foot separately before pulling the shirt on over his head for him. Steve sighs at the softness of the sweatshirt and opens his eyes to see that it’s Billy’s from his locker. Billy had taken to bringing it on chilly days and running around the track. It smells like Billy with just a hint of sweat and smoke. 

Billy frowns. “I don’t have spare pants and I wore the shorts for the shower.” He grabs his own towel and dries off quickly, pulling his shirt on. 

Steve watches as wet spots start to appear in some areas. “You’re wet.”

Billy stops as he’s about to take off his shorts and stares at Steve for a moment. “Yeah, we both are. Are you… I mean you seem really out of it.”

Steve shrugs a shoulder and starts to lean back, but Billy is there, his hand on his shoulder, hoisting him back up. 

“Okay, you’re definitely out of it. I’m taking you home and finding something warm to wear and you can sleep. He yanks off his shorts and Steve looks down, giving the guy some privacy since he’s not wearing anything else. 

Billy dries himself well because pulling on his jeans over wet legs is going to take forever. He zips up and decides that Steve is also going to have to go commando. He leans into Steve’s space and brings his arms up to circle around Billy’s neck. “Hold on.” He lifts him up and slides the soaked underwear over Steve’s ass before sitting him down again and then pulls them the rest of the way off. He figures Steve has plenty of underwear and tosses them into the garbage so he doesn’t have to carry soaked items in the car. He works on drying Steve off and has no qualms about getting in between his legs to dry him completely. Billy doesn’t care about any of that when a situation so dire presents itself. Once he has the other boy in his jeans again, he grabs Steve’s t-shirt and throws one arm over his shoulder. “Come on, pretty boy. We need to go before they lock us in and I’m not spending Christmas wandering around an empty school like a loser.”

He stops at Steve’s locker and grabs the things that were dropped before taking Steve out to his car. Steve looks up again. “My car-“

“-will be here when I bring you back tomorrow to get it. And if you tell anyone I’m doing this shit for you, I’ll deny it.”

Steve nods in understanding. “Yeah, can’t tell people you helped me.”

“It would ruin my reputation as a bad ass who hates you.”

Steve pulls away. “No, can’t tell people you helped _me_.”

Billy holds him steady. “What the hell does that mean?” He unlocks the door and finally gets Steve settled. “Hold on.” He closes the door and runs to the other side, getting in, and turning on the car to give them some more heat. “Okay, now what did you mean that you can’t tell people I helped _you_?”

Steve sighs. “I’m nobody. I’m the bottom rung of the ladder. Got my ass kicked, Tommy realized I was nobody and let me know, not good at basketball anymore. And Nancy… she told me the truth. It’s all bullshit.”

“What is?”

“Me.”

Billy’s eyes widen, stunned. “The _fuck_? She _said_ that to you?”

“At Halloween. Said we were pretending to be in love.” Steve yawns and the heater is staring to make him sleepy. He closes his eyes again.

Billy studies his face. “Why were you pretending to be in love?”

Steve sighs. “I wasn’t.”

Billy frowns. He treats Steve like shit because he thinks Steve is a pussy, but then again Steve is _nice._ Even _he_ can admit that Steve seems weak _because_ of that. Steve lets himself be vulnerable. He’s not really sure why. He used to be like that when he just wanted someone to love him since his dad doesn’t, but he learned his lesson pretty quick and he’s pretty sure that Steve never will because Steve is _loyal_ to a fault. He knows that Steve still hangs out with Nancy and even Jonathan. He’s nice to them and Billy is starting to see that it’s not some grand plan of Steve’s to get his girl back. It’s actually how Steve _is_. He wonders what a cautious Steve would look like and the thought bothers him. 

A soft snore tears him away from his thoughts and he looks over at the boy asleep in his passenger seat. He frowns and wipes some water from his eyes and then stops. Steve is _crying_. Nothing over the top, but his eyes are steadily leaking out tears and the corners of his mouth are turned downward. Billy sighs and drives Steve to his house so he can get him out of his car and out of his head. 

By the time that he gets to Steve’s house, it’s already getting dark. Billy hates the winter for just this reason. There’s never enough daylight. He looks over at Steve, who is whimpering again in his sleep. There are no cars in the driveway and Billy vaguely remembers hearing that Steve’s house was the best one to party in because his parents were always out of town. He reaches over and shakes Steve softy by the shoulder. He expects Steve to jump and scream, but instead Steve opens his eyes slowly and looks over at Billy. His eyes are unfocused and he blinks lazily a few times as if to figure out where he is. 

Billy can’t help himself and places his hand on Steve’s cheek. “Hey, pretty boy. That hit you pretty hard earlier, didn’t it? I’ve had them before, but never quite like that.” Billy tries to remember not to pry too much. He doesn't want to trigger another panic.

Steve blinks a few more times and then sits up. “What… Where are we?”

Billy smirks and removes his hand to get out of the car. “Your castle, princess.” He gets out of the car and goes to the other side, opening the door for Steve before the brunette can move to do it himself. 

Steve stumbles out of the car and grips the car door in order to steady himself. Billy reaches past him and grabs the t-shirt. Steve looks up at his house. “I don’t want to be here tonight.”

“Well… I mean you’re rich so I guess I can take you to a hotel if you really want to go that route.”

Steve shrugs. “It’s fine. I’m tired anyway so I’ll be able to sleep easily.”

Billy looks between the house and Steve, who isn’t making a move to go inside. “Okay… so do you have your key?”

Steve nods. “In my backpack.” He glances at Billy and takes his shirt. “Thanks. I’ll get the shirt washed and give it back after school starts up.” He walks up the sidewalk.

Billy rolls his eyes and shuts the car off before going to the trunk and pulling Steve’s backpack out. He jogs up to where Steve is just getting to the door. “Forget something?”

Steve turns and looks at the backpack and then at Billy in confusion. “I don’t need it. I don’t have any homework.”

Billy’s eyes widen a bit. “Okay, yeah… we need to get you inside.” He digs around until he finds keys and uses the one that looks right and sighs in relief when the door opens. “Come on.” He feels around and turns on the lights. His eyes take in the room and shakes his head. “Jesus… is this how the better half lives? In a museum?”

Steve’s dull eyes also take in the space. “More like a mausoleum.”

Billy stands there awkwardly for a moment and looks around and sees absolutely nothing that would make him think that Steve lives here, that _anyone_ lives here. He remembers going to open houses before with his friends in California, mostly for free food, but those houses looked like this one, like it’s being… staged. He hears a door close and he realizes he’s alone. He sets the backpack down and then wanders a bit until he finds a bathroom. Afterward, he comes out just in time to see Steve coming down the stairs wearing sleep pants and Billy’s sweatshirt. 

“Looks better on you.”

Steve’s head snaps up. “You’re… still here?”

“Yeah, that a problem?”

“Sorry… no, it’s not a problem. I’m sorry.”

“You said that.”

Steve rubs a hand over the back of his neck. “I mean… thank you for bringing me home. You didn’t have to.”

“I know that, but you were really… I mean _really_ messed up. What spooked you, Harrington?”

Steve’s arms immediately come up to wrap around himself. “Nothing. Everything. I don’t even know anymore.”

Billy sees the trembling and hears the breathing quicken. Apparently they're not far enough away from the panic attack where it's safe to push a bit to find out what triggered it. Billy has enough of a warning of a pending panic that he gets to Steve before the boy tumbles down the last few stairs. He puts an arm around his waist and leads him to one of the couches in the living room. As Steve starts to crumble into tears again, Billy pulls him down to his lap. It’s awkward, but he’s trying to find a way to soothe the brunette without twisting around on the couch to do so. What ends up happening is he ends up on the couch with Steve sitting on his lap so Billy is cradling him. Billy curses under his breath as he feels the first warm tear spill from Steve’s face onto his neck. He starts rubbing his back again like he did earlier. “Okay, Harrington… Okay, I’m right here.”

“I’m gonna die and… nobody is gonna care.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is. I’m nobody.” He starts to sob anew. “My parents don’t care. They never have. At least I don’t think they did. I don’t even remember. And the kids only started to care about me because I have a car. I’m free transportation and that’s not going to be a thing after a couple of years because they’ll have their own vehicles. I don’t have any friends –“

“Okay, wait… you _have_ friends. You don’t get the nickname King Steve by being unpopular.”

“No, I had followers. Now they’re your followers. People liked me because they could come over here and party because nobody is ever home. And… and I’m ugly.”

Billy’s eyes widen at that. “Whoa, what did you just say?”

“I look in the mirror and I see it. I see the shape of my face and my eyes and I hate my nose and my hair won’t settle down. Everyone thinks I do it so I can make it big, but I do it to keep it under control.” He starts to breathe harshly, wanting to take in air, but not getting enough. “My lips… they’re thin and… I can’t do anything right. Nancy knew it. I asked her for help with my college essays and it took her forever to find anything good and then when I was talking to Dustin and he said the master race I mentioned the Nazis and he looked at me… they _all_ looked at me like I’m stupid and… I _am_ stupid and-“ He stops as Billy slams his lips against his. He freezes as they both sit there, their lips pressed hard against the other’s. 

Billy pulls back a little, but close enough that he’s still sharing the same breath with Steve. “Sorry… I didn’t know how to make you stop.”

“You… um… could have said stop…”

Billy smiles gently and Steve feels a little bit overwhelmed at how the genuine smile softens his features. “I could have, but… this was the first thing that came to mind.”

“I’m… I’m sorry.” He starts to get up, but Billy keeps his arms locked around him. 

“You say that a lot.”

Steve settles and then shrugs a shoulder. “I’m sorry a lot.” He frowns. “What is this?”

Billy shakes his head. “I don’t know. I saw you earlier and I guess it reminded me that you’re a whole person with feelings and thoughts and shit.”

“Wow, that’s… deep.” He smiles. 

“There. That was the goal. I like your smile, Harrington.” He reaches up and cups his face. “And I like how your face is the perfect shape to fit in my hands so I can look at you. And you’d think that brown would be a boring color, but your eyes… they’re so expressive. I can _see_ your smile in your eyes. I can see _all_ of your emotions in your eyes. Your hair is amazing. And it’s perfect for me to hold you close.” He fists his hands in Steve’s hair to make a point and brings their foreheads together. He nuzzles Steve’s nose with his own. “I think your nose is cute. And you’re not stupid, Steve. You’re not. You’re one of the smartest guys I know because you fell in love with a girl who didn’t deserve you and you still treat her well. You respect her. And those kids love you. They really do. I heard them that night. They were terrified because I was hurting you. I don’t think any of them cared whether they killed me or not that night because of how much they love you. You’d rather protect them than save yourself. And maybe shallow people like Tommy don’t see how smart that is, but I do. You’re not like me. You’re brave. You show who you are and not who people expect you to be.”

Steve takes a soft breath. “Billy… why did you come after me so hard that night? I know why you were angry with me, but you were enraged and I wondered… I wondered what I did that was so awful that you had to-“

Billy cuts him off with a soft kiss. “No, you didn’t do anything. My dad… he gets mean sometimes and he likes to humiliate me. I can take a hit or two-“

“He _hits_ you?”

“Yeah, but I can take that once in awhile. What I can’t take is him getting in my face and trying to intimidate me when he knows there’s nothing I can do about it. He knows it and he uses it to keep me in my place. And Susan is there watching and that’s how he shows his power to her, too. I’m powerless and I hate it so much. And that night, he treated me like nothing. And I couldn’t… I couldn’t breathe. I just wanted to lash out at something. I wanted to fight something.”

“I feel that way sometimes, but I can’t fight it. I can’t fight anything so I just… curl up and hope I can die.”

“Don’t say that.” He takes a few quick breaths. “Shit… we, uh… we’re really having a heart to heart here. I’m a little scared.”

“Scared? Of me?”

Billy smiles. “No, never of you. You’re too damn sweet and pretty to be scary. I’m scared that you and I are going to suddenly realize that this is too awkward and too weird and we’ll never talk to each other again.”

“Would it help if I said nice things about you, too?”

“Only if you mean them.”

“I like your eyes and your smile. I like how good of a basketball player you are.”

“You know you’re good, too, right? You’d be better if I didn’t try to shove you around all the time. I can stop doing that.”

“Why? It’s who we are. Maybe from now on we should tell coach to play us on the same team.”

Billy looks up at him then. “You’d do that? Play _with_ me instead of _against_ me all the time?”

“Billy, I was never against you. I couldn’t figure out why _you_ were against _me_.”

Billy takes a deep breath. “Because you’re fucking gorgeous and I didn’t want what happened in California to happen here.”

Steve takes a moment to enjoy the feel of Billy’s forehead against his own, the closeness, the way that they’ve created a soft little cocoon for themselves. “What happened?”

“My dad found out that I liked looking a little too long at other guys. He wanted me away from the… riff raff, he called them.”

“Did it help?”

“Nope. I walked into Hawkins and saw the prettiest riff raff of all.” He smiles again and Steve returns it. 

“You’re funny. That’s another one. I like your sense of humor when you’re not being cruel. And I like that you stand up to your dad even if you know he’s going to knock you down. I like that you kissed me and let me see that side of you. I like that you trusted me enough to do that. I like that you took care of me when you didn’t have to.” He wiggles a little, not sure if he’s trying to get comfortable or trying to make Billy less comfortable. The sound of Billy’s groan causes Steve’s breath to quicken and he moves in again to place a chaste kiss on the corner of Billy’s mouth. “I was really excited when I first saw you. I assumed we were gonna be friends.”

“We can still be friends.”

“I’d like that.”

“My turn. You didn’t let me finish. You said something about your lips. You said you don’t like them.” He pushes Steve then and stands up, holding on enough so that Steve won’t fall over. Just as Steve’s about to ask him what he’s doing, Billy slants their mouths together and immediately tongues his way into his mouth. Steve opens up for him and presses against the blonde, no longer caring if Billy can feel how turned on Steve is. But then Billy is moving again and he’s forcing Steve into a position where Steve is facing him, straddling him, and then he’s kissing him again, framing his face for a moment before one hand fists in his hair again while the other shoves the sweatshirt up and plays lazily with a nipple. Steve’s breath hitches at the contact and he whimpers. Billy pulls back quickly and looks at him. “You with me?” At Steve’s nod, he leans up and kisses him again. “Listen to me, I need to know that you’re okay. That you’re not scared of me. I would never force you to do anything. I’ll never tell anyone what’s happening between us now or ever. I won’t get pissed off and walk away, leaving you feeling abandoned tonight. I’ll talk to you at school and we’ll start to be friends. I won’t hold anything against you about tonight, even if it’s rejection. I promise. Just… please don’t do something to make me happy or make me be your friend. You don’t’ have to worry about any of that.”

Steve feels a tear slip free because nobody really has ever talked to him as if he’s someone special or as if he’s much of a prize at all. “I’m not scared of you, Billy. I’m scared because… I don’t know what I’m doing. Nobody’s ever… nobody’s ever said that I’m _worth_ something before. Even the kids… you’re right. They love me, but… we don’t talk like this. This is how kids are supposed to learn this stuff, hearing how great and perfect they are from their parents, but mine… I…” More tears slip free. “I’m always alone. There’s nobody.”

Billy leans in and kisses him again and then wraps his arms around him and hugs him tight. “There’s _me._

Steve sobs once and buries his face in Billy’s neck at the words. But as Billy once again starts taking up the task of rubbing his hand up and down Steve’s back, the brunette makes a decision. He nuzzles at Billy’s neck to get his blonde curls out of the way and then places a soft open mouthed kiss on his neck. He feels Billy’s breath catch and hold, but he doesn’t stop. He moves his hips and presses down as he starts stroking the spot on his neck with his tongue. Billy’s breath starts coming out in short pants and Steve starts to feel Billy harden beneath him. He moans and sucks Billy’s earlobe gently, not wanting to dislodge the earring there. 

Billy gasps and holds Steve by the hips and grinds up into him. Steve sits up and stares at Billy. “You… you want me?”

Billy can’t help but let out a harsh laugh. “I thought I made that pretty clear.”

“I guess I… didn’t really think that…” He shakes his head. “I mean…you’re turned on.”

“You think?” He smiles. “What’s going on in that pretty head, babe?”

Steve notices the pet name, but tries not to let it warm him yet. “I guess I don’t really know what to do here. If you’re waiting for me to lead.. I mean I have no clue.”

“Oh…” Billy grins. “Yeah, I get it. So… how about if I do what makes me feel good and what I think will make you feel good and you can tell me when to slow down or stop or whatever. I think I’ll like it if you are the one to put me in my place when it comes to this.”

Steve brushes some hair back from Billy’s face. “I’ll never hurt you to do it. I’d never treat you like-“

Billy puts a finger to Steve’s lips. “Hey, I’m not worried about that. You and he… well, you’re not even in the same universe, okay?”

Steve nods. “Yeah… yeah, okay.”

Billy pulls Steve down again and resumes kissing Steve breathless before attempting to slide his hand under his shirt again. When Steve starts to melt against him, he pushes the sweatshirt up and then moves to tongue at the pebbled flesh that he just thumbed into hardness. Steve gasps and then whimpers as he runs his hand through Billy’s hair. Billy is hopeful that Steve is enjoying himself as a lot of guys he messed around with before weren’t too keen on having their chests played with. He never figured that out because he loves it. But soon Steve is gasping and telling Billy not to stop and he’s pretty sure Steve won’t have any complaints. He ruts up hard against Steve and then palms the front of the sleep pants. He hisses out a breath as he feels Steve’s length for the first time. He’s seen him in the showers before, but that was nothing compared to the impressive growth he feels now. Steve whimpers again and Billy is finding that he’s quickly getting addicted to that sound. 

“Shit, baby… you’re so good for me.” He moves again and places Steve on his back. “I’m gonna make it so good for you. Nothing… too much, alright? Everything is going to feel good. I promise.” He yanks his shirt off and toes off his shoes before yanking his jeans off. He moves over Steve quickly and then starts yanking the sweatshirt off. He knows that if he doesn’t get direct contact with Steve’s body soon he’s going to lose his mind. But just as he starts feeling as if he’s got all the control, Steve tentatively reaches down and touches Billy. The sensation is intense and Billy gasps and then snatches Steve’s wrist in his grip. “Shit, princess… you do that and I’m already out of the game so… be careful, alright?”

“Really? Why are you so close?”

Billy shakes his head and smiles. “Fuck, Harrington…. Because of _you_! Oh my God how do you not know how fucking hot you are?” He stands up and looks down at Steve. This far from the kitchen, the only light really that they have is from the moonlight streaming through the patio doors. Billy starts to pull Steve’s sleep pants off when Steve’s voice stops him cold. 

“You’re so… Wow, you’re so beautiful.”

Billy takes a deep breath. _Make a decision, man. He’s too fucking vulnerable. You do this, you do it long term. He’s not going to be able to handle it if you walk away after this. Decide now. Commit or end it. Commit or end it._

Steve leans up on his elbows and tilts his head to the side before sitting up and rubbing his hand up and down Billy’s arm. “Billy? Are you okay?”

Billy closes his eyes because of course Steve would worry about _him_ while he’s trying to figure out if Steve’s worth his time to stick things out. But that gives him his answer. _Commit_ “More than okay.” He finishes pulling off the sleep pants and then leans over him to kiss him, not letting their bodies touch yet. Slowly, he starts to bring himself down and with the first brush of their cocks Steve cries out with the sensation. Billy looks down at him, wanting to watch him get used to this. Once he relaxes, Billy moves down his body and takes the brunette into his mouth. The choked off moan sends blood rushing straight to Billy’s cock and it takes everything in him not to reach down and finish himself off now. But he wants to do this _with_ Steve, not _to_ him, so he holds off. He moves over Steve a few times, but when the other boy starts whimpering in earnest, he knows that he has to stop before he pushes him too far, too fast. 

Steve whimpers again and arches his back to get more friction as Billy slides up over him. “Billy please more… Shit… Sorry, is it good for you, too?”

Billy smiles, again touched by how much Steve is worried about his pleasure over his own. “Yeah, sweetheart, it’s good.” He licks a stripe up his palm and then grips their cocks and starts pumping around them. He holds them both tightly enough that it’s almost painful. Steve starts gasping each time Billy thrusts and it sets up a rhythm that he can follow. The moment is broken only by the pool lights coming on. Billy assumes it’s an automatic timer and keeps going, but soon he notices that Steve’s erection is starting to flag. He looks at Steve closer and sees that he’s looking out at the pool, eyes betraying how terrified he is. He wonders if the pool is a sore spot for a specific reason or if he was just spooked because he thought they were discovered. He turns Steve’s head so he’s looking at him face to face. “Babe… it’s me. Just me. Nobody else.” He kisses Steve gently. “Okay?”

Steve nods, his eyes still fearful, but more focused. “Yeah… just us.”

Billy moves to take Steve in his mouth again and strokes his hands up and down Steve’s sides and his legs. Steve is writhing on the couch soon enough and Billy lifts up enough to watch because he’s certain that it’s a sight he doesn’t want to miss. 

Steve moans out a warning and Billy responds by linking their fingers and increasing the pleasure. Billy watches as Steve arches and climaxes hard into Billy’s mouth. The sound of Steve crying out Billy’s name is something he’s certain that he’ll never forget. He keeps up with him through the aftershocks and when Steve starts whimpering more, he pulls off and kisses his way up to Steve’s neck. 

Steve takes a few deep breaths and then sits up. “Let me…” He starts to move as if to suck him off, but Billy stops him. 

“It’s not tit for tat, okay? You’re new at this so let’s just keep it simple. You don’t have to reciprocate at all if-“

“But I want to!”

Billy kisses Steve’s forehead. “Okay… then just touch me.” He sits facing Steve and rests his legs on top of the brunette’s before leaning back on the couch to give Steve a full view. Billy smirks. “Don’t get used to this, either. I promise that one day, _I’ll_ be the one between _your_ legs.” He closes his eyes, preparing for a nice relaxing handjob, but then Steve touches him and again it’s that tentative softness and Billy’s eyes snap open. He watches as Steve tries to figure out what he’s doing and he realizes he’s looking frightened again. He curses himself. While he was ready to relax, Steve was basically alone because Billy had checked out. He frowns and sits up. “Hey, I don’t like not being close to you.” He pushes some pillows behind him so they’re sitting and facing each other. “I like when you touch me.”

Steve looks up shyly. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, you feel good.” He takes Steve’s hand in his. “Just do what makes you feel good.” He starts moving Steve’s hand over his length. “Just like that…” He sighs softly. “You’re so pretty, Steve. I can’t believe that you’re letting me be here with you. And when you came in my mouth… oh God, you were fucking gorgeous. But you’re always fucking gorgeous..” He moans and starts to lose focus, but knows it’s important to say some things so that Steve feels that he’s _with_ someone the whole time. Billy has never been a talkative lover, but it’s clear that Steve will need that reassurance for awhile. Hopefully each time will be a little bit better in regards to Steve trusting Billy not to walk away. He marvels at the fact that he’s thinking of more times with the brunette. Wasn’t it just this morning that they were still bitter rivals? He continues to encourage Steve for awhile, but then only manages to moan and whimper when Steve picks up a steady rhythm. Billy tosses his head back and gives up all sense of dignity as he begins to beg. “Please… Steve yeah… just like that. Please don’t stop.”

Steve watches Billy come apart and knows without a shadow of a doubt that it is easily the most magnificent thing he’s ever seen and ever will see. He slows and then stops his strokes as Billy starts to catch his breath. He leans back and picks up the sweatshirt, wiping first his hand clean and then Billy’s chest and stomach while Billy comes back to himself. But then Billy stands up and starts gathering his shoes and clothes and Steve starts to shut down. It’s a clear line drawn in the sand. Sex happened and now it’s over. Now Billy leaves and he goes to bed and they don’t talk about it again. He feels incredibly vulnerable suddenly and he gets up, dragging the crocheted blanket off the back of the couch to hold around him. “I’ll wash the sweatshirt and I’m sure I’ll see Max and I can give it to her. I’ll tell her that I spilled something on it and I felt bad about it. And I can find a way to get my car so don’t worry about that, either.” He grabs up his sleep pants just as Billy was reaching for them. “Do you need anything before you go? I have soda in the fridge and if you want to wash up, that’s fine. I’m really tired, but as long as you lock the door behind you, it’s fine.” He pulls up the sleep pants and then finds himself wrapped in Billy’s arms. “What are you doing?”

“I’m calming you down. Shit, Harrington, you really don’t think much of yourself, do you? I could practically hear the thoughts going in your head. I’m picking up so that we can take this into your bedroom and enjoy each other as often or as little as we’d like tonight. I’m not leaving unless you want me to leave and I _really_ hope you don’t want me to leave.”

Steve studies him. “Really?”

Billy nods. “Really. I just need to call Max and let her know what’s going on. At least what I can tell her safely.” He strokes Steve’s hair. “Now, put that blanket back on the couch. I’m going to want you curled up next to me naked tonight.”

Steve smiles. “Yeah?”

Billy smirks. “Yeah.” He goes over and calls Max, who is immediately wary until Steve takes the phone and tells her that he had a really bad panic attack and Billy took care of him and doesn’t want him to be alone. Afterward, Billy shakes his head. “So… that’s all it took for Max to be cool with me being here all night?”

Steve shrugs. “She’s seen me have something…close to this before. She would understand you not wanting to leave me alone.”

Steve locks up while Billy starts a load of laundry for his jeans, shirt, and sweatshirt and then Steve grabs a couple of sodas to take upstairs. When they get to Steve’s room, Billy doesn’t even take time to look around. He pulls back the covers and gets into bed. “Come on, princess. I want some cuddle time.” 

Steve looks at the light switch and makes a decision as he turns it off. He walks a little faster to get into bed and then clings to Billy’s side. 

Billy strokes Steve’s arm. “Afraid of the dark?”

Steve nods. “Something like that.”

Billy squeezes Steve a little tighter to him. “Don’t worry. Nothing in the dark scary enough to get me away from you.” 

Steve snuggles in closer and sighs contentedly as the warmth of his lover starts to lull him into sleep. “I think…”

Billy kisses the top of Steve’s head. “What do you think, babe?”

Steve starts to drift off, but for the first time, he’s not really afraid of everything that the night usually brings. “I think I believe you.”

Steve listens to Billy’s heartbeat as he falls to sleep while Billy listens to Steve’s deepening breathing. Billy is pretty certain that he still hates panic attacks, but he might have to be grateful for this one today because he’d still be fuming at Steve if it hadn’t happened. He starts to look forward to what the future holds and vows to keep whatever Steve is afraid of in the dark at bay. And if he can’t, he promises himself that he’ll be standing by Steve’s side for the fight.

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully you like it! I'm not a big fan of Billy and Steve getting together quickly, but I wanted to do this one at least. Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
